My Dearest Marcus,                                                                                                                                                                                                                             6/28/01

 I'm horrible at talking face to face, always have been. I don't know if I will ever send this letter to you or perhaps it's just something I am writing to keep between God and me.
 I had seen you many times before, passing you in the Caern at Fox, seeing you from a distance in the Mall, and I was amazed at this air of calmness about you, I didn't even think you were a Garou until I asked around.
 Then the night with the spiders, I was so scared I didn't want to go home, Kane told me to stay at the arcade. I couldn't sleep; the pain wracked my body still from my ordeal. I remember hearing your motorcycle pull up. At first I was afraid, perhaps scared that it wad Pierce coming to finish me off. When you walked in I felt every part of me relax. You smiled at me and I couldn't help but smile back. I slowly told you why I was there and suddenly you were more concerned about me than you were yourself, I don't remember how badly you were hurt but I know you were. You hugged me and all of a sudden I felt everything I had been thru melt away in your arms. Then you did something I will never forget, you gave me your sweater to wear so I could bathe and feel less dirty. I still have it and when I feel everything is against me and the world isn't worth saving anymore I slip it on and think of you. How selfless you were that day I needed someone. You hugged me and left, after that I finally fell asleep and dreamed of angels bathed in blue light like your eyes.
 I started asking about you and Nica told me that you were engaged to be married. So I resolved myself not to think about you anymore, not remember the comfort I felt around you, the calmness you carried with you, the beauty I saw in you, and how beautiful and wanted you made me feel. So I tried seeing others, up until then I had only though of what I felt for Jeremy as love, I know better now. Jeremy, Maxwell, Ryan, they were men I was attracted to. Love is something that wraps you up like an old blanket, it keeps you warm, and it makes you feel whole. Somedays you wake up wanting to scream from the highest hills how much you love someone and other days you want to sit in a quiet room just basking in the warmth inside you.
 The night when we went out to drink, after Nica had died, I wanted so badly to curl up in your arms again, tell you what was happening with Alex, ask you to protect me. In the end I couldn’t, all I could hear was Nica’s voice saying, “He’s engaged to be married, not interested in anyone else.” So in the end I got out of the taxi, holding my tongue, and walked back into the hell I had been given as punishment for saying what I felt about the dead Get Kin.
I never wanted to come between you and Eva; I wanted the two of you to be happy together. I keep asking God for forgiveness for that one night we spent together and I take comfort in your words that you would never regret it. So many times you have been in my prayers over the years and I always hoped that I would find a love that made me feel as perfect as yours did.
 Having you now is like a dream forgotten remembered again. I want so badly to fall into your arms and lie there forever. I want to walk on the beach and feel sand under my feet, hearing you voice like the waves crashing thru me. I want to run thru a rainstorm with you and kiss you like I never have to stop. I want to lie on your chest listening to your heartbeat.
 When I see you with Dove it makes me want to cry, you look so perfect holding her. I know within you she will always find a protector, an advisor, a playmate, a companion, and a father. I wish she had been yours in blood but I know she is yours in heart.
 I know in my heart everything I feel is true but the pessimist inside me, the part that has grown over loosing so much lately is so scared that you don't feel the same way. That you will always love Eva and if she comes back I will be a distant memory for you. I fight everyday to be a better person because you make me want to be.
 I keep having these daydreams, my heart's desire. You on one knee proposing, me accepting, I would even if you asked me to today. Us walking on a beach for our honeymoon, you chasing me into the water and then laughing you catch me. Me finding out I am pregnant with our child, the joy you have as it grows within me, and the tears I cry when you hold that child for the first time. I want to be your partner; I want you and no one else as long as I live.
 I fear loosing you also to things, which only you are equipped to fight. I was so scared when you went away on the last quest and when you were returned to me hurt I was more afraid. Now every morning I dread waking up next to you dead. I hope you can forgive me for what I am to do, I will be telling someone in our family or at the Sept who may be able to heal all your hurts. When you suffer I suffer my love. I would give all that I am to know you are whole again.
 I love you Marcus James, you are the light in my life, and you are what make me want to be a better kin, mother, and person.
 Perhaps if you get really nosey someday you'll find this letter on my computer.

        Alyssa

Alyssa love,
           I will not speak of the reason you are reading this letter.  It is clear, and that is all that is important.
I want to begin by saying how much I love you, and how much you have meant to me through
all you have done for me.  I am laying here in the bed we just made together.  You are gone, but I
can still smell your love on me.  I hope that by now I have left a part of me within you that will
grow into something beautiful despite my absence.  You are a beautiful woman, Alyssa.  And yet a more
beautiful mother. I write you this letter while existing in a rare state of clarity.  After I returned
from the quest to retreive the rose I have felt very ill.  Not only the wounds that will not heal, but
my mind, love.  Stonewall's totem spirit Hakahe put me through a trial I was not ready for, and wounded
my mind.  I have not been able to think straight.  I have found myself pondering deeds long put into
my past.  It hurts Alyssa, and sometimes I find myself in fear of my thoughts.  Of what actions I commit
in my dreams... If I have hurt you in any way previous to you recieving this letter I ~know~ that it is
because of these ill Hakahe inspired thoughts in me.  Alyssa, know that I would never hurt you, ever.
You are my light, my love, my sun.  You were given to me by God to pull me free of the evil I was living
in.  Now I will wait in Heaven for you, as God has promised me. I love you Alyssa, there is no way I can
say it more than to simple say it, but you know how much more I mean.  Live through your grief like I
know a soul hardship tempered as yours can.  I want to watch you from Heaven, and see our babies grow
together.

     With all the love in the world,
             Marcus Frances James I.